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That Vacuum Space

 

     I will constantly wake up in the middle of the night, feeling all lonely…and indeed… sorrow…

I’d end up staring at the ceiling with thousands of words playing in my head… I could hear voices talking to me. Shouting at me. cursing me... Comforting me...for letting her go..I’ll be thinking of the past. Thinking of tomorrow. Thinking of next year. Thinking of my future No her future, her life And of course, thinking of myself.

At that point of time, I feel like I can’t reach out for anyone. I feel like everyone is gone and no one is there to pull me out of this deep emptiness. I’m truly all alone, hunted by Loneliness. I hate it… but it loves me.

Everybody matters me nothing but her.But in Utopia, those constant wake ups in middle of night and deep sorrow will have no place there, i wont hear any voice talking to me hard, shouting at me, cursing me... comforting me...but praise me..hail me..for having her with me,beside me too close, i cant resist the poetic hormones make my right and left hemispheres a whirlpool, singing her beauty and love.The crimson love which we have on each other melt us, mix us make as one and never separable, this is the time when you never want to sleep coz the reality you experiencing is more warmer than your dreams, yes ! she is with me, beside me, inside me, all over me, I want the earth to take rest, not that I care for her but I want this moment not to pass away.Suddenly realizing I'm no more in utopia, I'm losing her, she is getting far from me day by day, step by step crushing my heart in to dust. Is it all she doing? or me killing myself and making a death note on her, blaming her...? No i never blame her. then blame fate? the cowardliness ? or the priority i gave ?I betrayed my self, cheating myself that i don't care for her but deep inside no moment is passing with out thinking about her.sometimes i even smell her essence, I'm loving her more now than the past..breaking up usually create a empty space but in my case a vacuum space hard to fill

 


 

 

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